Breastfeeding vs the Bottle : My experience with feeding twin girls.

So I know this is a touchy subject. The breastfeeding police might leave a flaming bag of baby poop on my front door step tonight but I really want people to hear my experience so that maybe they’ll be more prepared than I was. I read a ton of blogs and books about breastfeeding twins but for some reason they really didn't help me much when it came time to nourish my tiny preemie babies. Every baby and mom is different so you sometimes just have to roll with the punches. Don’t get frustrated, listen to others advice with a grain of salt, and do what you think is best for your family.

I was a bottle fed formula baby and so was my mother. My husband and his siblings were exclusively breast fed. I had heard that breastfeeding was “the best thing you could do for your child’s health” but was skeptical because I was formula fed and am actually a really healthy adult. In truth breast feeding was appealing because it seemed cheap and convenient. No bottle warming, no formula mixing, and no washing tons of bottles. My husband was supportive either way, “They're your boobs!”. I also heard that breastfeeding would help my body get back to it’s pre-pregnancy condition (I know it sounds selfish but what can I say?).

Cookie and Peanut were preemies who started getting their nourishment through feeding tubes. There is nothing that can put more guilt in a mother than seeing her 3lb babies hooked up to machines with tubes running down their throats. I felt so helpless while they were in the NICU (I’ll write more on the NICU experience later). I was weak, sore, full of pain medication, and low on iron after the surgery. Our hospital had an in room pump as well as a department of nurses dedicated to helping moms breastfeed. There was a lot of pressure to breastfeed at my hospital! I had a coach visit every day, was required to watch videos before I could check out from the hospital, and was given lots of pamphlets outlining the benefits of breastfeeding. Whatever tiny amount of milk I could squeeze out was put into the girls feeding machine which gave me a sense that I was helping them in some way. Unfortunately, pumping was a lot harder than it seemed. In the beginning the machine could pump for 20 minutes and barely squeeze out a drop or two. A nurse taught me hand milking techniques that were supposed to help with my supply but instead made me feel like my boobs were on fire (I can’t imagine what this felt like without my pain medication cocktail). It also made me feel like a cow which was not good for post pregnancy hormones.

After day three in the NICU, the nurses started to try and bottle feed the girls. Whatever they couldn’t finish was put into the feeding tube because weight gain was so important at this stage. My supply started to come in a bit but apparently the “oh so perfect” breast milk I gave them had to be supplemented with a preemie neosure powder in order to give the babies more calories. I struggled a lot with trying to keep up with the twins appetite but they took more and more of the bottle every day. Soon the hospital decided Cookie was strong enough to try and directly breastfeed. A nursing coach came to help me with my first try. It was an awful experience for both me and Cookie. She was so hungry and I was so frustrated that the session ended in tears as I popped a bottle into her mouth. The nurses gave me many techniques to help with latching that may as well ended with me standing on my head while reciting Shakespeare. We kept trying and it did get easier but the girls often got frustrated with my slow flow ending in yet another bottle.

Before I knew it, it was time to take the girls home. This is when things really became tough. I had decided to let the girls have their bottle but I would still give them pumped breastmilk. None of us really got much of a “bond experience” from breastfeeding anyway. Snuggling with them and kissing their precious little heads seemed to make me feel much closer than popping my boob into their mouth. Unfortunately, pumping at a machine can take up to 25 minutes which doesn’t sound so bad until you realise you’re pumping every couple of hours. On top of that, if you want your supply to stay strong then you have to pump through the night too. My weight and energy really took a hit with a mixture of surgery recovery, iron depletion, sleep deprivation, and the calories required to produce enough milk for two babies.

One day, while sitting at my usual pump station both girls decided to throw little baby fits. They were hungry but I was still hooked up to the machine and had at least another 20 minutes of pumping left. My dog thought that it was a great time to have a barking fit at some squirrel he spotted in the backyard and while I was distracted I guess I had broken the seal on the pump cups causing all the precious milk to spill down my pants. Standing there in the middle of my living room with my boobs exposed looking like I had wet my pants with two children and a dog whaling, I decided that my twin girls would be formula babies. I put on my shirt, mixed two bottles with some sample formula we got in the mail, and fed my girls who greedily drank every drop. I haven't breastfed since. I was warned that my breasts would be in a lot of pain as my supply dried up but they actually felt better. I was also told that my mood would darken as my hormones went crazy when I stopped breastfeeding. On the contrary, I felt freed. Free to get more things done, free to snuggle with the girls more, and free to sleep for longer stretches. I didn’t smell like sour milk anymore and I was relieved to get rid of those awful nursing pads. My mood improved and you could feel a sigh of relief go through the house as we all settled into a more manageable routine.


Peanut is trying to eat Cookie.

I sometimes felt a bit guilty about switching to formula but when I think about how much my family’s quality of life seemed to improve I decide it was for the best. Over the next month or two, it seems like everyone I met on the street wanted to know if I breastfed. People at my office would ask,”How are the girls,” followed immediately by, “Are you breastfeeding?” I found this really odd. It seems to have become a social norm to ask this question. What is it any of their business on how I feed my children? Perhaps this is just another sign of how much breast feeding social pressure we have been taught to place on other people. Women who had never even had kids were giving me the stink eye for using the dreaded formula. One lady even suggested I look for a breast milk donation program in our area. I guess other mothers with increased supply either sell or give away their milk so that poor dried up mothers have something decent to feed to their children (please note the sarcasm). Eventually, I just grew thicker skin and ignored the peanut gallery.

So to sum up my post:
Mothers who exclusively breastfeed twins for 1+ years please go to your local bakery and buy yourself a very large cookie. You can eat that cookie on your “breastaversary” (yes that is a thing now).
Mothers who formula feed please ignore the peanut gallery. You are not a bad mother and your children will probably not chastise you when they’re adults about not breastfeeding them.



Multitasking.

Twin Baby Registry - What you need and what you don't need.

After having twins I feel I’m drowning in baby furniture, toys, formula, and diapers. Hopefully you can benefit from our trial and error adventure through baby registry land. Take note that these things worked for us and our babies but might not work for everyone. Some things people might find controversial but I’m not usually one to follow the baby danger trends (i.e. Baby Einstein creating dumb children, Walkers causing development issues, Bumbos giving children back problems, etc…). I look out for recalls and use common sense with what I put the girls in. I don’t let them sit in Bumbos for hours and we always keep an eye on the twins no matter what they’re doing. This is not a complete list of everything you’ll use and you by no means NEED all of this junk. My motto is usually “Less is More” but I have found it useful to have plenty of options for entertainment when juggling baby twins on your own.

Most useful twin baby registry items:

• Leachco Podster Sling-Style Infant Seat Lounger - My Mom got these silly things on a whim through amazon one day. I thought we’d never use them but boy was I wrong! I exclusively bottle feed the girls in these pillows and they nap in them all the time. They sort of cradle the baby’s body and my twins find them very comfortable.
• Bumbo Floor Seat - This is yet another thing I thought was stupid that we now use every day. Our daycare introduced us to the Bumbo Seat and it really helped Cookie with her neck control. We face two bumbos towards each other and let the girls play footsie for a while.

Footsie!

• Graco Pack 'n Play - This has been great when we go to other people’s houses. The girls can nap when need be.
• Dr. Brown's Bottle Warmer - I wouldn’t be surprised if we burnt this thing out one day. It gets a lot of use and always warms the bottles perfectly.
• Dr. Brown's Formula Mixing Pitcher - This has helped save us time by mixing a full pitcher of formula every morning. In the beginning the girls went through nearly 20 bottles a day!
• Graco DuoGlider Classic Connect Stroller with Classic Connect Car Seats - I’ve had no complaints about this stroller or the car seats. It folds easily and the car seats fit into the stroller with a click. The stroller seats recline when someone needs a nap and there’s plenty of storage under the stroller for long trips. I like the cup holders for both the twins and mom.
• Baby Trend Walker Hello Kitty - I wish we had two of these. This has been the only walker short enough for the girls to actually reach the ground in. Every other one we’ve tried is too tall and by the time Peanut is tall enough for the others she’ll probably be walking on her own. The babies love hopping around in them and have recently started chasing the dog around the house.
• Old Fashioned Crank Swings - My mother in law found the swings she used with her children on ebay. They use a hand crank to swing rather than batteries and have become the workhorses of our baby entertainment collection. When both babies are cranky and need rocking but there is only one set of arms available then a swing serves as my backup. I also like not having to replace the batteries every week like we did with our vibration seats.
• Fisher-Price Deluxe Bouncer - These were useful for about three months but now we hardly use them. When the girls were tiny the vibration and sound soothed them down for naps but for some reason don’t work as well anymore. They were also helpful during those first nights when no one felt like sleeping. Make sure to have a million C batteries ready.
• Cloth bibs - The more the merrier. They drool so much!
• Onesies with crotch snaps - Also, the more the merrier. We got lots of fancy baby clothes but these are the most versatile. The NICU only allowed this type of clothing.
• Fletcher's Laxative, Root Beer, 3.25 Ounce - Weird, I know but my mother in law swears by it. Formula often causes constipation issues and this stuff has really helped give some relief to Cookie when she’s stopped up. The other constipation medicine has been too strong and gave the girls gas. This was much more gentle and is made of natural ingredients (whatever that means).
• Gripe Water - This helped the twins with cranky fits and gassy tummy pain. It soothed them when they got a pit colicky.

Not so useful registry stuff:

• Fancy bottles - Dr. Brown’s bottles have nearly five parts to them causing you to go through Ikea assemblage every time you wash them. Those bottles with the bag insert are also a pain to put together. The Tommie Tippie bottles leaked when the nipples caved in on themselves during feedings and they don’t fit in our bottle warmer. Glass bottles were too heavy and I dropped one on our tile floor causing a mess. In the end, the girls favorite bottles came from the Dollar Store. They are reliable, have a faster flow, and were cheap. We’ve found that a bottle is just a bottle and you don’t need the fancy $15 ones.
• Boppie - After two washes caused by projectile vomit (thank goodness those have stopped) the pillow is too flat for the girls. It was nice when they were tiny and I used it to snuggle with them but they grew out of that quickly. I got the most use out of it while Breast Feeding at the NICU but I don’t think they are worth the expensive price tag.
• Plastic Bibs - These seemed like a great idea until Peanut started using them to teeth on and Cookie saw what she was doing and thought, “What a great idea!”.  This made for some extra messy feeding sessions. When food fell on the bib the baby would rub it all over her face while trying to chew on the plastic. They came out cleaner without the bibs so we don’t use them anymore.
• Feety Pajamas - First of all note that we live in Florida and the girls were born in March. These things are just too warm for a Florida Spring but we received some feety pajamas from friends. The first time I put one of these on Peanut she wailed for 15 minutes. I think that she hated her feet being covered up. There are also a million snaps on these things which is a pain when you change 12 diapers a day!
• Sack Outfits - These are those outfits with the drawstring on the bottom like SweatPea wore in Popeye cartoons. Again, Peanut hated that her feet were covered and these are too hot for Florida.
• Hats, Socks, Headbands, and Bows - The twins pull all of these things off the minute I turn my back. They were cute for pictures but end up on the floor every time. The bows are cute but my girls don’t have enough hair to hold them yet.
• Pacifiers - I was all ready with a dozen different pacifiers but in the end I think they only cause the girls to be more pissed off when they’re crying. It’s like, “How could you give me this thing instead of fill in unknown baby need here.” I guess it’s for the best because we’ll never have to wean them off the habit.
• Wipe Warmer - Cookie giggles as you wipe her butt no matter what temperature the wipe is.
• Changing Tables - I’m all about multifunctional furniture so we got a dresser that doubles as a changing table. When the girls are off diapers I’ll just take the changing pad away and we’ll still have a dresser. Also, many changing tables seemed a bit unstable and Peanut wiggles way too much for that.
• Tandem Breastfeeding Pillows - Great idea but poor execution. Balancing two squirming babies on a pillow while trying to shove a boob in their mouth ended in three crying girls (two babies and mom).

Twin Baby Girls Sleep Through The Night (STTN)

My twin baby girls starting sleeping through the night (STTN) at three months old. Ok, I’ll wait while you throw your mouse across the room and stomp your feet a bit. I was dreading nights through my entire pregnancy worried that I (according to the peanut gallery) “would never sleep again”. My stress was at an all time high after the first week of having the girls home from the NICU. My husband and I took turns sleeping on the floor of the nursery because they slept so little and screamed so much. Then my husband had an “ah-ha!” moment and downloaded a sound machine app with loud city noises onto his phone. Finally we got some relief with the girls sleeping 4 hours at a time with the sound machine on. I guess I didn’t realize how loud the NICU had been with all the machines beeping and nurses gossiping. Every night we slowly turned down the volume on the app until we were able to turn it off completely. Now my girls can sleep through complete silence as well as my dog throwing a barking fit near the nursery door. Before the girls were born I read a book called Bringing Up Bébé which has a section on getting baby to sleep every night. This book talks about the “wait and see” method that my husband and I have found profoundly helpful. Every night we followed the same routine in order to build some sleep conditioning. Below is our nightly schedule.

• 7pm offer food (or bottle if they were not eating yet). 
• Give them warm baths and allow them to splash around like crazy to expend energy. 
• Get everyone diapered and dressed then let them crawl around on the floor to play for a while. 
• Once they start getting tired and fussy (it’s usually between 8:30-9pm now) we heat one last bottle to offer them. 

At this point it’s a bit of a gamble on if they fall asleep while drinking or if you get a super cranky baby who can’t seem to conk out. I usually have to rock someone to sleep but I try not to rock for more than 10min so it doesn't become a habit. We put them in their own separate cribs to sleep.

Now here is where the “wait and see” comes in. During the night we’ll usually hear someone wake up. I’ll check the baby video monitor or peek in the nursery to make sure no one is in any immediate need. Then we’ll wait a couple of minutes to see if she calms back down. Usually she does and we all fall right back to sleep. Sometimes she’ll keep fussing. At this point I’ll pick her up and check to see what’s going on. Sometimes she is gassy, she needs a diaper change, she’s hungry, or she just can’t calm herself down in which case I’ll try gripe water. Whatever the reason I try not to coddle her too much or let her play. It becomes a sort of game every night called “What’s wrong with the baby?”. Every week they just slept longer and longer until…

*note: This isn't how they usually sleep at night. I just found it cute!

They both slept for 8 hours straight. Some nights were better than others but through consistency they eventually got into the groove of sleeping well. Sometimes I’ve felt others judge us for trying so hard to get the girls to STTN. I’ve heard, “They’re babies. They’re supposed to wake up all night”. They think we’re being selfish wanting to get our nights back but I think sleep training early on will benefit the girls as much as it benefits my sanity. I have always battled with insomnia so I’m so happy they are developing good sleeping skills. I want them to sleep like my husband who could collapse where he stands and fall asleep soundly with no trouble. 

Now I’d like to talk a bit about cribs vs bassets vs co-sleeping. My girls started out in the NICU so they were already used to being in separate cribs when they got home. We never even considered bringing them into bed with us since they were so tiny and fragile. I often smothered my husband in my sleep without realizing it so co-sleeping would be a bad idea. Also, I have no intention of ever kicking my husband out of our bedroom to make room for the children to sleep. I’ve heard of other wives doing this and think it can be really bad for your marriage. Cookie has her own bed, Peanut has her own bed, Tonto (our dog) has his own bed, and my husband and I have our own bed. Everyone has their own space to sleep and I think that’s healthy. I did briefly entertain the idea of using a bassinet or portable crib in our bedroom in the beginning. The only reason we decided against it was because I didn’t want to buy two more pieces of baby furniture that we’d use for two months then shove into the garage. Also, it helped to make our bedroom a sort of quiet zone for whoever needed to catch up on sleep. When the girls were still learning how to STTN my husband and I took shifts so someone was always catching up on sleep in the bedroom. Shift work made it so we had at least one well rested adult in the house (better than two cranky foggy headed adults). Our twins also share a nursery even though they have separate beds. This was mainly for convenience. It’s just easier to juggle their needs when their in the same room. When they’re older we plan on giving each girl her own room. 

Post Twin Pregnancy Weight Loss Advice

I decided to dedicate only one post to weight loss in this blog because I think that’s all that is required. Maybe I’ll make another blog concerning my tips to staying slim but I don’t want to spend much time here.  At 5 months post-op I now fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  In fact, they are getting looser every day!  At this time in my life weight is no longer an issue and I don’t like to dwell on the subject. I’ve made peace with food and my body.  Our society’s views on nutrition, weight loss, and food has become so perverse that it usually puts me in a bad mood just talking about it.  So how did I drop the pregnancy weight you ask?

1. gave birth to over 6lbs of flesh plus some fluid and other yucky stuff
2. didn’t get much sleep for a while
3. cared for twin infants which is very physically demanding
4. once the girls started sleeping through the night I had more energy to cook again and could continue my pre-pregnancy eating habits

Ta Da!

Are you disappointed?

I didn't use any totally AMAZING body wraps.  I also took no expensive pills that send you to the toilet every hour. I ate three square meals a day when time allowed and I tried to avoid fast food as much as possible. Exercise consisted of me trying to juggle increasingly heavier babies while keeping my house looking like animals didn’t live there. My belly did get stretch marks from pregnancy but they are getting lighter every day.  My core muscles were thrashed after housing two babies and the cesarean weakened what was left.  I make sure to do some squats and crunches every day which is slowly helping to restore my flat belly.  My hair went through the customary massive shedding session which was no fun but it’s finally starting to get thick again.  You're probably thinking, “Oh, you’re just genetically inclined to be thin so it comes easy to you.”  Just like most women out there if I eat a bunch of fast food, sit on my butt all day, and have dessert with every meal then I’d be as big as a house.  There is nothing special about me (or you for that fact) and you shouldn't over complicate weight loss. If you want a true weight loss guide then I would recommend Naturally Thin: Unleash Your SkinnyGirl and Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting or French Women Don't Get Fat . These books helped me to have a better relationship with food and to form my own nutrition philosophy.

Cookie and Peanut are born.

My twin girls were born way too early at 3lb 8oz and 3lb 11oz.  My smaller girl had VSD (a hole in her heart) and my larger girl was apt to Bradys (heart rhythm would drop).  They were delivered during an emergency c-section at a hospital we hadn't planned on.  In fact nothing had went as planned and the NICU stay was even harder to deal with then my emergency surgery.  Visits consisted of 30min with each girl who was hooked up to tiny tubes plugged into large intimidating machines that thew alarms incessantly.

It was a hard time for my family.  Then one day the girls were assigned a new NICU nurse. She was a very positive and happy Belgian woman with a passion for her job.  Like a Belgian Fairy Godmother she really took my girls under her wing.  She made extra time to feed them even though the regulation time for bottle feeding was 20min and she even allowed us to put the girls together in the same room during visits (they had been separated the minute they were born and hadn't been together for weeks).  The tubes and monitors started to disappear.  The Bradys became less frequent and the VSD closed up.  The nurse exclaimed one morning, "Cookie and Peanut would go home soon!"  "Cookie and Peanut?" I asked.  She laughed, "Oh, I name her Cookie because of her love to eat and I name her Peanut because she is so small like a little peanut."  I then realized that these little identical beings had already started to develop their own personalities and habits. They were thriving and growing fast everyday so I decided to create a blog to house their story. I want other mothers to be prepared for how tough twin pregnancy can be, how dealing with twin infants is not as horrible as people make it sound, and how you will pity parents who will never experience the joy of twinning.

Our first family picture.